the origins of my transformation

I spent a long time building a life that looked successful

Touring, producing music, achieving everything I thought would finally make me feel whole.

And for a while, it worked. The pace and the grind kept me distracted from the things I didn’t know how to deal with: old grief, shame, fear, pressure, and the belief that I had to hold everything together on my own.

On paper, my life looked great. But on the inside, I felt lost, anxious, and disconnected from myself. I didn’t know why I reacted the way I did.
Why I shut down. Why certain patterns kept showing up in relationships. Why nothing I accomplished ever reached the part of me that felt empty.

Eventually, the version of me I built just… broke.

No matter how hard I pushed, I couldn’t outwork what was happening inside. That was the moment I stopped running from myself and finally turned inward.

Breathwork. Silent meditation. Darkness retreats. Ceremonies.
Not to “become spiritual,” but because I had run out of ways to avoid myself.

And for the first time, I began to understand the real roots of my patterns… the emotional imprints, the beliefs I inherited, the parts of me I abandoned, and why I struggled to feel connected even when life looked good.

That clarity changed everything. It helped me reclaim the integrity, presence, and wholeness I had been missing.